The Day everything changed!

Here I got a blog to my name and gained few dear friends, to be honest critics. What better place would I have to experiment with my story writing? So here is my experiment with story writing. Brace yourself and dive in. And when you surface back, do drop in a word about what you liked and what could be bettered. Awaiting your comments!!

It was the wake of a gloomy day in a cozy bed. Perfect climate for snuggling in the blankets and extending the sleep. Wondering the time, her hands grasped for her mobile. Though she missed seeing the time, she did not miss the notification of the text from him.

Within a jiffy, she was wide awake. The text simply read “Hi“. Not another single character. Yet every single cell in her was jumping up and down. Her heart beat started to pulse up, to compensate for the missed beats of two seconds.

As the blood started to settle, the mind whisked away the clouds and noted the time. The time of the text, then the current time, which was just a two-minute gap. Her hands on auto mode typed “Hi..” and hit send.

The message was sent, delivered and read within the next two seconds. The somewhat alert mind started to churn the wheels with the numerous questions bursting to ebb out through her fingers. She came back to the surface when the next text appeared on her screen.

Am I disturbing you?

Is high pulse, fast flow of blood, dilated pupils, whirring mind any sign of disturbance? Definitely not, said the brain to her hands on a side line and hence she had already replied Nope to him.

Can you come over here?
At what time?
At your convenience, earlier the better.
Will be there in half an hour..
See you then.
See you then..

With the mobile in her hands, she was just staring at the screen. Her brain is yet to grasp what just happened. He wants me to come over to his home in half an hour and the drive from here to his home is fifteen minutes. Her brain was efficiently multi-tasking. That is, the thinking part kept pouring in the past and present, which confirmed there were very scarce message conversations between them. If and when they happened, it is over call. This just made her get ready quicker. While she was locking up to leave, she noted that she was wearing the dress he was fond of.

She was on super auto mode if at all possible on the road. When her senses decided to wide awake, she was safely parked in his parking lot. But she failed to note that his bike was missing from the usual spot. Since her thinking has got a direction of its own, she just decided to go with whatever happens, partly because she couldn’t think of anything else sensibly.

His gate was wide open and the things were scattered and out of place. That was too unusual for him. Her pulse quickened once again. As she rushed in, she saw him in his bed. He was weak, pale and sweating. He started to sit up as soon as she came into his view.

She rushed to hold him and as soon as she embraced, he started to sob uncontrollably. And in between sobs, he told her how he met with an accident last night as he skidded in the road. There were just minor scratches yet he was scared. And having a high temperature wasn’t helping either.

As she was holding him, all her doubts, questions and every bit of anger she had on him melted away as tears. As the tears flowed, the clouds of her thinking too melted. She consoled him just by her presence, more than her words.

She remembered how strong he was even when he met with the fracture few months back. She asked him what was the real reason for his breaking down to tears, just with the simplest of words. He shivered once. And was going into a state of shock. He could not string the words together.

She just held him dearly with all the love to wrap him up and helped him back to coherence. He started with stammer and then the words took the flow to say this:
When I fought with you last week, I didn’t even realize what you ever meant to me. I have been enjoying your company and had taken so many things for granted. Starting with the simple ‘How was the day’ at the end of the day to share my deepest secrets, you were there for me. There were too many times, you have answered my unasked questions and I was never left wanting. But just a week apart from you was hell. I literally could not live with myself in the past one week. I thought I will never meet you again when I was skidding through. I am very sure this time that, I could not even look forward in my life without you. Will you be part of it? As a part of my life? As my wife?

And he popped the little jewel box, with slight scratches from his pocket.

Tears were flowing from her eyes, but this time from the sheer joy. She was once again lost for words, in the happiness. As the tears caressed her cheeks, a smile dug a single dimple in her cheek. He got his answer buried in that dimple, and he got the rest of his life to fathom the depth of her love.

13 thoughts on “The Day everything changed!

  1. Hi Aadhira – I am really not into fiction writing so cannot really offer too much except question your choice of words. Even that is a delicate area because just as the US has made significant changes to the English Language, so has (I presume) your country. All that aside:

    “Tears were flowing down her eyes, but this time from the sheer joy. She was once again lost for words, in the happiness. As the tears caressed her cheek, a smile dug a dimple in them. He got his answer buried in that dimple, and he got the rest of his life to fathom the depth of her love.”

    Tears flow down cheeks. They do not flow down eyes as they generally form at the base of the eye. A better choice of words possibly “Tears were flowing from her eyes …….”
    Tears caressed her cheek dictates only one cheek. Presume should be “cheeks”.
    Smiles do not generally dig dimples. We dig holes in the ground. A better choice of words possibly “……caressed her cheeks, a smile formed dimples in them.”
    If both cheeks are involved, then there would be dimples in both cheeks. Last sentence suggestion “He got his answer buried in those dimples, and he had the rest of his life ………”

    Hope this helps. Colin.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for the feedback..

      Yes, the tears were flowing from her eyes. Will take note of that..

      Dig dimples is dramatization of how deep the dimple is.. Can’t it be excused? 😉

      As for dimples in both cheeks.. There are people who get dimple in one cheek only. That was predominant in my mind and hadn’t thought of both cheeks. Hence the mixed up use of words..

      I’ve edited them now.. “Tears were flowing from her eyes, but this time from the sheer joy. She was once again lost for words, in the happiness. As the tears caressed her cheeks, a smile dug a single dimple in her cheek. He got his answer buried in that dimple, and he got the rest of his life to fathom the depth of her love.”
      Hope this is better..

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Hi Aadhira – Because the English Language has developed in many cultural directions, the only thing that matters is whether it makes sense to your designated audience. I have never heard of smiles “digging” anything, but my upbringing was in England. In contrast, “digging” music is acceptable (albeit slang), but is technically nonsense.

      The question we all have to ask ourselves is “Am I expressing myself as well as I would like to?”

      I think that you did very well in this piece. Regards.

      Liked by 1 person

    3. That is a very high compliment coming from you!! I am really feeling honoured.. 🙂

      And English is neither my mother tongue nor I do hold any very high institutional training in the language. (And the same stands valid for my mother tongue too! 😉 )

      So my intention was to express myself in this medium and seems I have succeeded in it, as taken from your comment..

      Thanks a tonne and it really means a lot to me.. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    4. You’re very welcome. Please do keep writing as you not only express some excellent perspectives, but you do it in such a way as to convey your emotions. It is a pleasure following your Blog.

      Liked by 1 person

    5. You are making my day better with every comment.. 😀 Thank you!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

      That’s really encouraging and very kind of you.. Hope I do maintain that in my future posts too..:)

      Liked by 1 person

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