Quit, should I?

When life gets tough, it is easy to consider quitting. And there are so many motivators to push me ahead. I’ve also written few posts on those.

One such motivator was part of my curriculum in school. Which stayed longer than most other lessons.

It was about Jesse Owens. And his greatest Olympic prize. He won four gold medals in that Olympics and set an amazing record, when none expected him to succeed in anything at all. Even if he is the most eligible candidate to winall those laurels. Though he overcame many hurdles to participate in finals, the most difficult hurdle was when he was almost not making through the trials.

That’s when Luz Long, his fellow competitor offers him an advice, which costs him his own victory in Olympics.

When Owens was trying to give his best, even at trials, and was instead making a foul, he was consulted to not give his best, but just get through the trials. So he might get into the finals and show his worth, where it matters the most. Thus, he sets back a little to achieve even more in the finals and go on to win the coveted gold medal in Olympics.

The lesson, that stayed with me is not just about losing a little to gain more. But to earn a friend, who would push me ahead, even when it might cost them their victory. Who would stand by me at all times, who knows what I’m capable of better than me, who knows when I’m stuck in an imaginary pit and who knows how to redeem me from myself, so that I would achieve what I’m capable of..

That might seem like an unachievable dream. But the lucky me found not just one but more than one such dear true friend! Yes, they still exist and they still stay along as my friend in my happiness and sadness, and all ups and downs.

And whenever I’m on the verge of quitting, one of them comes around to push me ahead. And thus I keep on going forward as well as achieving more and more.

For those who wonder, whether I return the favour, I do so, as said, by my friends.. 🙂

Everlasting friendship..

It’s said that if a friendship survives for seven years, it will last a lifetime.

Yes, it’s true for me.

Our friendship started when we were seven and now we are decades stronger.

How it started?

When I moved to a new neighborhood in apartments. Contests were being held as part of their annual celebrations and there is only one competitor for mein every contestI entered into. In later years, we teamed up and the association always got very similar prizes for both of us, irrespective of the first and second places we would get.

Also, we were mostly considered twins, due to our facial similarities and also the way we were always found together almost at all times, despite attending different schools.

How did it survive?

After five wonderful years, we had to shift and it was the first time, I experienced the pain of parting ways. It was the time when telephone digits were just three or four and existed only in certain offices and such.

But the pen pals were in rage, by then. And yes, we wrote to each other occasionally and shared few cards, though the times we remembered each other were much more than that.

Later, we connected over phone after years, and the teenage years went busy in our own separate ways. When we met again after almost a decade, nothing much has changed between us and now the technology keeps us connected!

Our story together alone could take up much space and few of them might be coming up in this series.

How about sharing your longest friendship story?

To Friendship!

Today’s post is a dedication to the beautiful relationship called #Friendship. The following is the poetry written by Bharathi and could be set as the benchmark for friendship! This is one my all time favourites and what better time to share it than while the friendship day is around the corner.. 😉

So read it and let me know which line are you going to share with your bestfriend..

Lost contacts!

I’ve my mobile handy..
I’ve my network coverage..
I’ve got a lasting battery..
I’ve got sufficient balance..

I’ve not lost my mobile..
I’ve not changed my number..
I’ve not been locked out of my account..
I’ve not lost my backup contact list..

Yet, I keep wondering how, why and when..
How it happened to me?
Why it happened to me?
When did I lose my contacts?

Is it while busily running behind,
The wild goose called passion?
Is it while stealthily being buried,
Under the pretense of being busy?

Is it while missing the calls,
And not returning after becoming free too?
Is it while ignoring the nudges and pushes
Of instinct to wish the dear friend on birthday?

Is it while having the phone in hand,
While it rings and listening to the tune
And neither hitting answer nor reject
And not even the text of customary, I’ll call you back?

Is it while knowing pretty well that
Your friend is hiding and not caring to pull them out?
Is it while knowing pretty well that
No one is gonna pull me out and ignoring to push myself?

I’ve my mobile handy..
I’ve my network coverage..
I’ve got a lasting battery..
I’ve got sufficient balance..

I’ve not lost my mobile..
I’ve not changed my number..
I’ve not been locked out of my account..
I’ve not lost my backup contact list..

Yet, I keep wondering how, why and when..
How it happened to me?
Why it happened to me?
When did I lose my contacts?

Learning to or simply being?!

சித்திரமும் கைப்பழக்கம்
செந்தமிழும் நாப்பழக்கம்
நடையும் நடைப்பழக்கம்
வைத்ததொரு கல்வி மனப்பழக்கம்
நட்பு தயை கொடை பிறவி குணம்

The art of painting is excelled with the habit of drawing,
The beauty of tamil is excelled with the habit of speaking,
The pace of walking is excelled with the habit of walks,
The learning of existing scriptures is excelled
with the habit of memorising and understanding,
But the traits of Friendship, Compassion and generosity
Are in-born traits (and not excelled with habit).

Though the first two lines are famous in the usage I love the last line much more than the others.

Being friends with few is more easier than others. You could just start an conversation with those few people and feel at ease discussing many things, even those which you might not feel comfortable talking to with your dear friend of long years or with the one who grew up.

There are few who care for anyone and everyone at any time without any excuses. You could always rely on them for anything between lending you a shoulder to an offer of kind word to reinstate the long-forgotten-hope.

There are few who never know how to say no, when asked for help. And they are very creative in coming up with ways to help. Also you could see them feeling uncomfortable when they have an excess of something when someone else in need of it and they would even go to the extent of giving away, even though they might need it..

These traits can never be developed with practice or habit. You might act well the role of these people, yet a dire need reveals the distinction of these in-born traits as compared to the self-trained people. For the self-trained people take at lease a tiny second of thinking, whereas the people with in-born puts others first and offers immediately without asking.

Will you judge a friend?

Did you think no?

Well that’s interesting.. Let us see whether you stick to the no at the end of this post.. 😉

But did you think yes? I might think you are mean at some level, but as long as the judgements are reserved for few certain things, you have already earned my respect!

Judging is necessary! As long as it is within limits of necessity..

So what is necessity and what is not?

Not every other person you talk to daily is a friend and Not because you haven’t talked to a person in ages, remove that person from your friend list. They might even have a permanent place in the inner most circle and nothing, yes, nothing could shake them off from that place..

Now, letting someone have such a place requires judging..

Don’t be shocked that I am saying to judge your best of best friends.. That is what I am saying.. Judge them..

When and For what?

Before letting someone hold the detonator to your bomb or the key to your darkest dungeon stashed with secrets, hitherto known only to you and the ever persistent almighty or that superior force, by whatever name you would call that.

Yes, it is not love and you are not giving them the strings to shatter and hoping against hope to not be shattered by them..

It is something more..

There is a hearsay custom amidst the folks of people diving underwater for pearls. They will tie a rope around them and hand over the other end of the rope to a person, who should pull out this guy, as and when he receives a signal to pull out. Any delay or any slip would cost the life of the diver.

Letting someone be the best of best friend requires the level of trust between the diver and the holder.

Is it too dramatic?

Maybe. And you might also argue that not letting someone be close could cost your life.

Please do read on..

The dear friend is shaping your future even without your conscience. A thought by a random stranger might be brushed off inspite of the richness of that idea. But even a silly thought from a dear friend goes a long way and has the power to change your future.

Many success stories of the start-ups has a crazy conversation with a friend. That is when the idea is actually implanted in your thoughts that might even change  the world. Even if many of us do not acknowledge the fact of the same, it is still having a good chance.

And now you could argue the same could fit to a random conversation with an acquaintance.. Accepted without buts.

So where are we.. I started saying you must judge and went on to ramble about the sparkle of idea from randomness.. Let us get back on track to the judging part.

Here is a hypothetical situation.

You have achieved a very big thing or crossed a remarkable milestone in your life. You are so filled with happiness and the euphoria of achievement that you start blabbering the tales to everyone who would listen. Still you know that one particular person / group to whom you want to share it first.. Is that not judging?!

Another scenario:

You are in middle of disaster / life-crisis and you need a partner to get you out of it. Out of the hundreds of contacts on our address books, only one name pops up at that moment. You call them up and you are out of the disaster in no time at all.. Now do you mean to say that none other could have done the job? Still why that particular one? That is what I meant by judging!

Fine, there is the possibility, that ‘one’ did not turn up and let you go down another layer of the crisis. Now you would have a doubt and yet call up another and might get out of the trouble. But, would you be calling that ‘one’ as your friend still? That is what I meant by judging!

Know the worth of your friendship by seeing which one turns up during the depth of crisis and rescues you! They do deserve a special place in our hearts.

I am summing up with the quote “Friend in need is a friend indeed” along with another quote from Thirukkural.

கேட்டினும் உண்டோர் உறுதி கிளைஞரை
 நீட்டி அளப்பதோர் கோல். [796]

kaettinum uNdoar uRudhi kiLainjarai
neetti aLappadhoar koal.

There is a gain in grief: it is a tool
 to stretch and gauge a friend. [Couplet 796]

The smile of Friendship

முகநக நட்பது நட்பன்று நெஞ்சத்து
அகநக நட்பது நட்பு. (786)

muganaga natpadhu natpandRu nenjathu
aganaga natpadhu natpu.

A smile on the face does not make a friendship;
a smile in the depths of the heart does. [Couplet 786]

Since I don’t want you to be distracted from the beauty of this couplet, no explanations for today.. Have a great time ahead!

Lost and Found

Have you ever felt lost?

No, Not the kind, where you are stranded in a place, where they speak a different language or you don’t know how to reach a specific address kind..

But, standing amidst a group of people, who know details more than your name and who you are and in few cases much more than what you want them to, yet, feel like being lost..

Have you ever felt so even with people, whom you used to call as friends, or worse, best friends?

If you answer it as yes, I am terribly sorry for you. But the next question is just for you.

Have you ever gotten back to being best friends after a gap of being strangers??

Yes?! That is the heavenly feel I am talking about..

The falling apart is so gradual that you don’t even feel the pain of parting, but it comes down as a crash someday, when you both are sitting next to each other like old times, but nothing else is like old times.

The silences are no more comfortable, and leaves both of you wondering, what did I do wrong?
The easy conversations lack the flow and they are revolving just around common topics..
Talks about the nuances of the workings of things beyond the stars are just history..
Finishing the line happens, only to prove how opposite the thoughts are..
What we think as what the other likes, are not right anymore..
The sync which was existing in the thought levels has vanished like a vapour and even the spoken conversations doesn’t make any sense anymore..

With all such differences existing, the factor is surprisingly not visible and the differences doesn’t keep you at end of daggers either.. It is just the time and the environment playing its role, as a by-product of leading our lives to our own destinies.

As life keeps you separated in space and thoughts for a long while, the good old times, come back as the admonishing granny, keeping the toddler in control, from eating way too many sweets. The granny, throws away all the time and space and arranges for a chance meeting on an unexpected spot, at a totally unexpected place.. Yet, the need of the hour for one of them.

The unplanned meeting makes you forget the awkwardness and you both get back into sync as if there were no deviations and no gaps ever in the friendship.

And there’s a little more beauty to it, when just the meeting of the dear old friend, has lifted the spirits of both and has reminded each other of their own strength. For few people could boost your morality, just by their mere presence and even without uttering a single word!

Have you ever experienced such boost to yourself? Do let me know with your comments..

The Friend in Need!

A friend in need is a friend indeed. This is what we know for ages and there are times we have been that friend or had help from such a friend.

The help of a dear friend during such a need is not always so smooth and in a non-embarrassing way. Only when the help received fulfils certain criteria, we are at ease in totality with that dear friend. Yup, even the help needs to fulfil certain criterion.

 உடுக்கை இழந்தவன் கைபோல ஆங்கே
இடுக்கண் களைவதாம் நட்பு.

Udukkai izhanthavan kaipole aange
Idukkan kalaivathaam natpu

Like the hand that moves reflexively when the dress slips,
a friend reacts swiftly to remove a woe. [Couplet 788]

 

What are the points to be noted in those little lines?

• The trust one has on the dress they wear is absolute and not expected to fail you at any time.
• Such trust was betrayed and in the act of losing the cloth, you would end up losing your dignity and much more.
• At that time, the hand reflexively holds it up to save the situation.
• You won’t even realise that the dress was slipping, a command was sent from brain to hand, the issue was over within few seconds.
• Such that should be the help of a friend.
  •  The friend notices you are slipping up
  • The friend comes to act without explicit calling for.
  • The friend resolves the slip and covers up.
  • So quick and unfailingly.

THAT, is the perfect example of friendship and if you have got such a friend, be assured you are as rich as a human could be and in case, you don’t have such a friend, be that friend and make someone richer today..